Chopper's Quest
by Sherridan
Summary: Chopper’s searching for some specialized reading material.
1. Caught Red Hooved

Title: Caught Red Hooved  
Rating: PG  
Word Count: 190  
Pairing: None  
Notes: This bit of weirdness was inspired by a picture KyraKitty did for me.  
Disclaimer: Not mine

* * *

Chopper had been cataloging his medical supplies last Monday when he'd stumbled upon Them. All he'd been looking for was something to write with, and Nami's desk was the best place to find a working writing utensil. The top drawer on the left side of the desk had turned out _not_ to be where she kept her mapmaking tools.

A week later, Chopper sat under Nami's desk, a bundle of nerves and excitement. He had been waiting all day for the Going Merry to dock, so his crewmates would leave and he could have the ship to himself.

Chopper slowly moved a shaking arm towards his lap. His trembling hoof lifted the title page, and he started to read.

Chopper, engrossed in his reading, failed to hear when Nami returned to get the shopping list she'd forgotten. "Chopper?"

"Nami!" Chopper shot up, banging his antlers on the underside of the desk. His reading material fell to the floor at Nami's feet.

She bent to pick it up, glanced at the title, then at the blushing, twitching reindeer, and asked, "What in the world are you doing with my hentai manga?"


	2. His Hoof Was Where?

Title: His Hoof Was Where? (It's bad, I know.)  
Rating: PG  
Word Count: 296  
Pairing: None  
Notes: This was triggered by another of KyraKitty's drawings. Chopper's excuse is credited to BluePard.  
Disclaimer: Not mine

* * *

With the looks Nami had been giving him the past couple of days letting him know that she may not have completely bought his plea of 'anatomical research', Chopper knew he couldn't afford to risk making a play for Nami's manga again. However, what little the reindeer had seen before Nami's untimely return had whet his curiosity, and that quick peek just wasn't going to be enough. 

Nami couldn't be the only member of the crew with hentai. Hers had just happened to be the only stash whose location Chopper knew. It was a simple matter of finding where the others hid theirs.

Deciding to try Zoro next (because Zoro was the manliest man Chopper knew, so reading his hentai had to have the added benefit of making Chopper manlier), Chopper began observing, hoping for a lead.

Ten days latter, Chopper was wholly disappointed. Zoro never went anywhere wearing that nervous look Chopper expected on someone going to get their secret porn. He was beginning to wonder if he should rethink his plans, when it hit him. Chopper smacked a hoof to his forehead, wondering how he could have over looked something so obvious. Zoro couldn't go to get something that he always had with him!

Chopper waited until Zoro was asleep that night, before creeping over to the swordsman's hammock. When Zoro failed to react to his name being called, Chopper knew it was time to make his move.

With one slightly shaky hoof, Chopper lifted the edge of Zoro's haramaki, using the other to grope around underneath for what had to be there. Maybe they were a little further to the left…

"Chopper?" In the silence of the cabin, Zoro's whisper seemed to be the loudest thing in the world. "What. Are. You. Doing?"


	3. Midnight Snack

Title: Midnight Snack  
Rating: PG-13 (for mentions of background sex)  
Word Count: 460  
Pairing: Inferences of ZoSan  
Notes: I was actually trying to work on another fic, but this one just demanded to be finished. Chopper's wonderfully lame excuse was again supplied by BluePard . I'm very sorry to those of you who don't care for yaoi. I, myself, happen to like it, and I hope the mention of it won't ruin the story for you.

* * *

Chopper was flat out amazed at how well Zoro had bought his gastromical anomaly excuse. Once he had explained to the swordsman that bububolitus was a stomach condition, Zoro was out of the room like a shot, muttered grumbles about shitty cooks and their crappy food left in his wake. 

Chopper was in the middle of sending Sanji a silent apology when the consequences of what he'd done hit him.

An angry Zoro was going to confront Sanji, who was in the crows nest, having his turn at watch. The ensuing argument would escalate to the point where the voice of reason (known to some as Nami) usually broken things up, but, being the middle of the night, they would have to fight things through to the end. And Zoro and Sanji's way of finishing arguments could take a very long time…which made it the perfect time to look for Sanji's porn!

He left the cabin quickly and made his way silently to the galley, lest Sanji or Zoro hear him (doubtful though it was that either would hear a thing over the noises they were making). The galley was Sanji's territory. If he had any porn to be found, it would be there.

Chopper tried the cupboards first, hoping to find what he was looking for mixed in among the cookbooks. He tried the fridge next, maneuvering around the Luffy-traps to get there. Then came the broom closet, underneath the sink, the silverware drawer, and amongst Sanji's collection of aprons and oven mitts. When each search turned up nothing, Chopper set his sights on the hold.

Every can was shaken to test that they actually held what their labels said. The contents of open boxes were checked, and sealed boxed were examined for signs they might have been opened and resealed. Still nothing.

Chopper couldn't believe it. This was _Sanji_ after all. How could Sanji have no porn? Knowing that this just couldn't be so, Chopper thought about the places he'd already looked. They were all places Luffy pawed through on a daily bases. He had to look somewhere Luffy wouldn't bother with… like the flour bin!

He dragged a stool over to the bin, climbed onto it, and opened the lid, staring down at the white powder. It would be easy to slip something into a plastic bag, then burry it in the flour. He just had to dig it out.

Chopper stood on his tip-toes and reached deep into the flour, just as the door to the hold banged open, hard. Startled, Chopper fell forward into the bin.

Two hands gripped him around his waist, pulling him from the bin. "Chopper?" Sanji, shirtless and sweating despite the night chill, peered down at him. "What are you doing?"

* * *

To everyone who has reviewed, thank you very much. It means a lot to me that you took the time to do so. 


	4. Discovery

Title: Discovery  
Rating: PG-13  
Word Count: 550  
Pairing: ZoSan, Chopper has a little crush on Usopp  
Notes: I have no idea why Usopp's bag ended up containing a mix of 'WTF?' and 'this is _so_ getting used for sex', but it did. BluePard is the official maker of crack excuses. And yes, Sanji really _does_ think Nami and Robin have no clue about the gay. Silly boy.

* * *

Chopper did feel guilty for what he'd said. Sort of. But really, Sanji had brought it upon himself when he'd questioned Chopper's claim of 'it's a reindeer thing'. Chopper had been forced to explain how certain things were just instinct, and therefore uncontrollable. Like what Sanji himself had been doing with Zoro moments before. And if Sanji still though he was being poorly influenced by Usopp, then they could _always_ bring the matter to Robin and Nami, maybe see if one of them had a book on the topic… Sanji had fled the hold, horrified. 

And now, he seemed convinced that Chopper needed convinced not to mention anything to the girls about late night activities in the crows nest. And while it was true that Chopper couldn't say much of anything to Robin or Nami or anyone with his mouth full, not everyone onboard had a rubber stomach. So, after the sixth tray of cream puffs, Chopper found himself in the storage room, hoping the spontaneous explosions from Usopp's workbench would do something to keep the chef at bay.

Chopper always found watching Usopp work to be intriguing. Things would start out so quiet in the beginning, just the sound of a pencil scratching over paper as Usopp made notes or sketched out his next invention. Once things moved out of planning and into the preparation stage, the noise increased proportionally with the number of tools the project required. When the actual assembly started was Chopper's favorite part. Usopp, it seemed, had a habit of thinking out loud when he became truly engrossed in what he was doing, spouting off random 'I need to redo the calculations, the angle is off' or 'Steady now. Careful, careful', and never noticing whether he was still alone or not. Luffy had discovered that this was the only time he could rummage through Usopp' bag without getting scolded.

And if Luffy, with his complete lack of stealth, could get away with his poking around, then it would be no problem for Chopper to take a little look. Not that he'd ever think of doing it if it weren't for a good cause.

Once he was sure that Usopp wasn't working with anything that looked likely to explode without provocation, Chopper reached forward and snagged the strap of Usopp's bag, pulling it back toward him and settling into the relative cover provided by the shadows before undoing the clasp and reaching inside.

Twenty minutes later, Chopper was trying very, very hard to think logically. He was sure there was a perfectly good reason Usopp carried around a surplus of pink feather boas. And that whip would probably be a very useful weapon. But, he started drawing blanks at the spiked collar. And the plastic palm tree. And how on earth did the coat rack fit in there anyhow? And _not one_ of the twenty three phone snail books had been concealing porn, and surely the Great Captain Usopp had to have porn. And what on earth was tha…

"Gah!" Chopper dropped the bag and ran, tripping over a stuffed purple pig, then righting himself and dashing past Usopp.

"Hmmm… Oh? Chopper? Hey, what are you…" The door slammed shut behind Chopper's retreating back, cutting off the question. Usopp shrugged and turned back to his workbench.


	5. Close Calls

Title: Close Calls  
Rating: G  
Word Count: 348  
Pairing: none  
Notes: There is a reason I don't often write Robin, and this would be it; I just can't seem to get a handle on her. And this part did wind up different from the others because I felt Robin wouldn't be quite the same as the rest of the crew. After this, there will be one more main part (and little something extra in addition to that). Oh, and, in case anyone wonders,GMOTHS stands for Great Men of the High Seas, and was thrown in as a nod to a friends livejournal community.

* * *

With the animal instincts Chopper sometimes forgot he had fully in control, the need to runfastnowgetaway blinded him to everything else. Like how if he kept running at this rate, in this direction, he would run through the railing, off the deck, and into the ocean for a pleasant un-swim.

Luckily, animal instincts were no match for the pair of arms that decided to spring up from the deck in front of him.

After he stopped flailing in her hold and remembered that breathing might be a good thing, Chopper turned and looked for the body the hands weren't attached to.

'Is something wrong, Doctor-san?' Chopper tilted his head back, to attempt to face the voice coming from behind him. And promptly fell on his butt. The hands righted him again, before dissipating into the deck.

'Oh, no. Nothing' If he shook his head hard enough, maybe the memory of that thing would fall out.

'You've seemed out of sorts lately. Is there something I might be able to help you with?'

'No' Chopper furrowed his brow, wondering what she was talking about.

'Maybe you would enjoy borrowing one of my books. A little reading might help to take your mind off of your… preoccupation.' She proffered the book in her hand. A copy of Equate's _A History of Doctoring in the South Blue_.

Robin was being nice, and he should take her up on her offer, for politeness sake. But he had read in before, and what he wanted to read right now was not a dry medical text. That didn't even have the decency to contain... diagrams.

So he shook his head again and wondered if he was imagining that look on her face and deciding that maybe being alone right now would qualify as a very good thing, headed for the crows nest.

Robin smiled softly at his back before opening the book and removing the summer issue of GMOTHS hidden inside. If Doctor-san wasn't going to use it, then she might as well take the time to finish it before Navigator-san wanted it back.


	6. Just Rewards

Title: Just Rewards  
Rating: G  
Word Count: 225  
Pairing: None. But brief hinting at two, if you choose to see it.  
Notes: The last main part, but there will be two little prequelish type things. And I will write what was in Usopp's bag, as soon as I myself know. And thank you very muchto anyone who has kept up with this all the way through.

* * *

Chopper pulled himself up over the edge of the crows nest to be greeted by Luffy's sandaless feet.

It figured. Sanji was attempting to stuff him to death and Usopp… nodon'tthinkofUsopp and Robin was acting really weird and No One Had Any Porn and now he couldn't even be alone!

But, this was Luffy. Who was safe. No risk of having food forced on him or oddness beyond the natural level. Or porn. But apparently Nami was the only one who appreciated the aesthetics of two (or three or four) people being naked and active together. And since she wasn't willing to share… well, the next port they docked in had better have a big bookstore.

"Will ya hand me those crayons, Chopper?" Luffy's question cut through Chopper's train of thought.

"Oh. Sure. Which colors?"

"Orange and blue. And green and yellow."

Chopper placed the crayons in Luffy's outstretched hand, leaning over the boy's shoulder to try and get a better view of his picture. "What are you coloring Luffy?"

Luffy turned around, grinning, as he held up his work for inspection. "Nami has all of these great coloring books! But she never uses them. So, I thought I'd help her do it. You wanna color too?"

Chopper wondered if the twitch above his eye was as visible as if felt. "Sure Luffy. Lets color."


	7. Top Secret

Title: Top Secret  
Words: 468  
Pairing: None  
Rating: G  
Notes: The mystery of what was in Usopp's bag? Well, a mystery it is no longer.

* * *

Chopper was not over it. He doubted he would _ever_ be over IT. 

But he was trying, so hard, to forget. His odds of ever sleeping nightmare free again rather depended on that.

The problem was that seeing the bag always brought thoughts of IT all rushing back to the front of his mind. And seeing Usopp meant seeing the bag. And he really _liked_ seeing Usopp.

But all in all, he'd been doing not bad with the forgetting thing. Until today, that is.

One look at the sky upon leaving the galley after breakfast had had Nami ushering the boys to their room, citing that she was not having a bunch of dripping idiots ruining yet another set of maps.

Zoro had settled in for one of his naps after he'd finished huffing while Sanji'd pulled out his inventory sheets to plan the next week's meals.

This had cut Luffy's sources of entertainment in half. And led to Usopp's impromptu origami lesson.

A growing pile of paper cranes later, Usopp had needed to search for a source of paper to replace the sketch book he and Luffy had torn through. And when his hands had exited his bag, IT was among the items in his grasp.

Things still might have been ok if Sanji hadn't chosen that moment to finish his inventory and decided that watching them was suitable entertainment. And started rifling through the stack of magazines that Luffy hadn't even been glancing at before he'd torn into them. And smirking.

"Oi, Long-nose. You been holding out on us?"

Usopp looked up from the paper he was currently folding to glance questioningly at Sanji. And the issue of Bathing Suit Beauties of the Grand Line he held. And flushed. Until his face had given Luffy's shirt a run for its money.

"That must have been mixed in with the things I bought in Loguetown."

"_Sure_."

"Just look at the date, Cook." Perfect, now Zoro had added himself to the conversation. "Even you couldn't have been buying mags like that sixty years ago."

Chopper completely blanked out Sanji's surely scathing retort, too busy watching the pages flip by with an ever growing horror. He needed to be stopped. Now.

Digging himself out from the ever growing pile of Luffy's misshapen cranes, Chopper was on his hooves and across the room in an instant. Tearing the magazine from Sanji's hand and dodging around Zoro's legs, he was soon up the latter and out into the rain.

His fur was matted in a second as he slip-stumbled his way to the railing. Not pausing for breath, Chopper pitched IT overboard and watched the waves swallow up his nightmare.

Maybe he'd never fully forget. But he'd sure as hell _never_ let anyone else see Dr. Kureha in that way. _Ever_.

* * *

Thank you kindly to everyone who has taken the time to read and review. 


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